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Category: Assisted Living
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Unspoken Truths: The First 5 Conversations You Need to Have When Someone You Love Wants to Age at Home
When someone you love tells you they want to age at home, it can stir up a mix of emotions. On one hand, it feels comforting. Home is familiar, safe, filled with memories. But at the same time, questions start rushing in. Can they really stay safe there? What happens if something goes wrong? Am I ready to help?
I’ve been in that moment—searching for the right words, wanting to be supportive but also realistic. That’s why I put together this guide to the conversations you need to have when someone you love wants to age at home. These talks lay the foundation for care that works. Not just for them, but for you too.
Why Conversations Matter
Caregiving often begins with good intentions and silent assumptions. We think we know what our loved ones want. Sometimes we guess right. Often, we don’t. Talking early and honestly prevents confusion and builds trust.
These first five conversations will give you clarity, direction, and peace of mind. You don’t need to tackle them all at once. But starting now—before a crisis hits—can change everything.
Conversation 1: What Does “Aging at Home” Look Like to You?
Aging at home means different things to different people. For one person, it’s staying completely independent in their own space. For another, it might include having help come in daily.
Ask open questions like:
- What does your ideal day at home look like?
- What kind of help would you feel comfortable accepting?
By listening without judgment, you show respect and start building a shared vision.
Conversation 2: What Are Your Current Health Needs?
This one is not always easy, especially if your loved one is private. But it’s essential. Get a full understanding of their current health conditions, medications, treatments, and physical limitations.
You can say:
- I want to help you stay safe and well at home. Can we go over what your doctor has said lately?
- Is there anything you’ve been struggling with on your own?
Health needs are the foundation for every other decision. Don’t skip this step.
Conversation 3: What If There’s an Emergency?
Emergencies happen. A fall. A stroke. A sudden infection. It’s not about being negative. It’s about being prepared. Ask about advance directives, emergency contacts, and hospital preferences.
Try:
- If something happened suddenly, what would you want me or the doctors to know?
- Have you thought about what kind of medical care you’d want—or not want?
The answers may surprise you. But they will help you act with confidence and compassion when it counts most.
Conversation 4: What Kind of Help Feels Comfortable?
This one can change the game. Many older adults resist help because it feels like giving up control. But help can be empowering if it matches their values.
Ask:
- Would you feel better with a family member helping or a professional?
- Are there things you absolutely want to keep doing on your own?
Let them be part of the plan. This turns help into partnership rather than loss.
Conversation 5: How Do You Want the Future to Look?
Aging is not just about what happens today. It’s also about how life will look months or years from now. Talking about the future allows you to plan for housing changes, financial decisions, and caregiving needs as they evolve.
Say:
- If your needs change over time, how would you feel about having more help at home?
- Is moving ever an option you’d consider down the road?
You’re not locking anything in. You’re opening the door to long-term thinking.
What I Want You to Take With You
Caregiving begins with listening. It starts by setting down your own fears long enough to really hear what matters to them. These conversations can be hard. They can also be beautiful.
Let them be real. Let them be imperfect. But most of all, let them happen.
The more we talk, the more prepared we are. And the more supported our loved ones feel.
You are not alone in this. Share this blog with another caregiver who might need a little help. Together, we can care for our loved ones and ourselves at the same time.
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Let’s Talk About Assisted Living
While most people prefer to age in their personal homes, sometimes that may become too difficult, and families begin looking at options for other care and housing solutions. One of the most popular is assisted living. Assisted living can be a good fit for a family’s needs; however, it is important that people who are considering assisted living do their homework in order to make a fully informed decision.
Photo by Matthias Zomer on Pexels.com Most people think that they know what assisted living is and how it is different from other arrangements, but if they don’t fully understand it, they can end up with unmet needs, with higher costs than they anticipate, or they may be evicted or discharged with limited recourse.
Over the course of a few posts, we are going to outline some things that consumers need to be aware of if they are considering a move to assisted living.
What is assisted living? Here in Indiana where there is no standardized definition, or legal requirements for what constitutes assisted living. There are also no federal requirements for what defines assisted living. While some states do outline specific requirements for AL, in many states “assisted living” is a marketing term.
Here in Indiana, you may hear references to licensed and/or unlicensed assisted living. There is no actual licensure for assisted living. These are health care facilities, called residential care facilities that are licensed by the State Department of Health and who market themselves as assisted living. They tend to focus on medical or health care needs of their residents, often referred to as “medical model” assisted living.
There are also assisted living communities in the state that are not licensed residential care facilities. They provide the full range of non-medical supportive services that an individual may need, sometimes referred to as “social model” assisted living. If a person needs health-related care, families may need to hire outside help to meet health-related needs, or contract with a home health agency that the facility refers them to. While some home health services are paid for by Medicare, most of the personal care that a person needs must be paid out of pocket. It’s important at the beginning of a search for assisted living to have some idea of what type of support your family member may need. When you visit assisted living communities, ask for detailed information about what tasks and supports are included in the facility rate and provided by the facility itself and what kind of care activities are provided by the family or by a separate provider. This is a first step in starting to identify the place that is right for your family and your older loved one.